UNITED STATES: President Obama announced today that, out of all his priorities, “the formulation of a Life-Tax is a number one priority”.
On the heel of several legislations (Health Care Reform Bill, Financial Reform Bill, Student Education Reform Bill, The Reform Reform Bill and the Reform to Reform Act of 2010) the United States Congress and Senate have realized the dire need to pay for it all.
“To bottom line it—” said Chairmen of the Federal Reserve Paul Volcke “We don’t have a clue how to pay for it, and we sure as heck don’t want to mess with interest rates. So we figure more regulations is the way to go.”
The Life-Tax (link to the Government Bullet Point Agenda site), strangely called the Thenardier Tax by the uneducated Tea Party masses, will be most heavily levied against salt, sugar, caffeine, plastic, and porn.
“Look man, Americans use this stuff—especially the fat rich Americans—so we have to ask: should we tax them to help their fellow American? Yes. We. Can.” responded Pop Star Will-I-Am. When questioned about the portions of the proposed agenda like “the Breathing Assessment” and “Listening Levy” which would directly impact music making and sales, he passed the microphone over to Wycleff Jean who said something incisive and poignant which we will report on once we can transcribe it.
Vice President Joe Biden “Look, this is a big F****** deal (laughs). Freedom isn’t free and it’s about time American Joe-Q Public realized it.”
When notified about the Vice President’s statement, the Administration said “Frankly, if you compare our track record with the previous administration of Bush-Cheney-Palin, you would easily see that whatever the Vice President said wouldn’t have been said if they had done what they did when they should have done it.”
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