Survival of the Fittest Ex-New Yorkers
Posted by Rey
Adaptation, say evolutionists, is key to survival. A creature , out of its natural habitat has three choices: completely change an ecosystem (imagine an MCF link to a Simpsons episode here), die or become part of the system. As a city-born, native New Yorker now relocated to the downright rural, I must adapt to my situation or be enveloped by my surroundings. Tonight, this lesson was made very clear.
My wife and I had put the troubles of the day on pause and were enjoying the cool breeze coming though the screen windows of our countryside home while watching TV. The family room–usually the kids’ play room–was now our fortress of solitude. The dishes had yet to be placed in the machine; the dining room had yet to be put in order and we didn’t care. There was a perfect silence in the house; our kids were asleep.
I stepped out of the family room into my office to check on some emails where I spotted a single bug, which I proceeded to kill. I had my share of bug encounters in New York and have learned that there are no natural predators for urban shoes. A heavy rat may dare us, but it flees after a good ground stomp. A roach threatens infestation, but it falls beneath a New Yorkers’ mighty weight (especially if said New Yorker lives on the upper floors of an apartment building which is periodically visited by a professional exterminator).
As I scraped the shattered remains of the insect into the toilet, I made a (vain) attempt at humor about termites. My wife corrected me explaining that, whatever it was, it wasn’t a termite. She went upstairs to start on the dining room; I would soon follow.
My wife’s scream pulled me out of my reverie and turned my blood to ice. I threw myself up the stairs with violent thoughts of injured children. Bursting into the dining room, scanning her body for injuries then settling on her wide eyes, I begged her to tell me what was wrong.
“They’re everywhere.”¯ She said.
When the sun sets over New York City, and the street lights go from amber to gold, moths, Night-beetles and similar dark-denizens would congregate up on high and do whatever it is that night-bugs do. New Yorkers didn’t care. There are lights everywhere.
Out here–in the total and quiet darkness, a single lit room, shining out of a lonely screen window becomes a golden beacon over a sea of blackness. Like a sailor’s guide, that single source of light beckons all to come…come into the light, come!
Who can refuse? Who can rebuff the respondents?
The screen window surely can’t.
Halteres (little leg-like thingees) to elytra (little leathery-wing like thingees) clicking against each other, as they work themselves through the wire mesh to their singular goal, their salvation, the sweet light in my dining room. The adventurous loner I murdered downstairs–he was easy. The sickening swarm my wife had discovered was horrifying. Crawling here, running there, touching the heat of the bulb to fall to the ground in a daze before opening their wings to head back up. Outside of the screen window I could see their bellies, covered in eager “feet”¯, nervously seeking further entrance. With crawling skin, I ran to get two fly swatters while telling my wife to grab the vacuum cleaner.
I won’t bother with the gruesome details of the battle. There was a lot of screaming and the body count was extensive but my wife and I stood tall-albeit with shattered psyches. She, a country gal, had forgotten this part of rural life. Me, a city boy, had gotten too comfortable. My mind broadcasted: Adapt. The war here is different–one of numbers and constant vigilance. Admittedly my wife’s words summed up the second part of my thoughts:
“Let’s go back to New York.”
My mother-in-law advised spraying outside. I will take her up on this tomorrow. Now, the windows are closed and the lights will soon be shut…but I still see them out there, swarming, waiting, and promising that they will be the final victors. No, I whisper to them, we will not leave.
12 Responses to “Survival of the Fittest Ex-New Yorkers”
Leave a Reply
May 5th, 2006 at 9:26 am
If it happens again, I hold the business card of an expert, four-foot tall woman who will coerce your invaders to “Go to the light, the light is good, go into the light…” and cleanse your home.
May 5th, 2006 at 10:08 am
Yes, the episode to which I would refer would be 2F13: Bart Vs. Australia, in which the introduction of a single cane toad into a fountain at an airport results in the total destruction of crops by the end once the toad has breeded and multiplied. Interestingly enough, this ecosystem disruption referenced an ACTUAL problem and was true. The show’s only conceit was to have Bart be the cause of it.
May 5th, 2006 at 10:08 am
As long as she doesn’t throw tennis balls into my closet that mysteriously fall down into a tub in another room, I’m cool with that.
May 5th, 2006 at 10:10 am
And I knew MCF couldn’t resist. heh heh.
May 11th, 2006 at 7:42 pm
This is a well written post about bugs. For the record, I’m afraid of them, rural, urban or otherwise.:)
May 14th, 2006 at 9:48 pm
I know you’re remodeling a house and battling the giant insects from King Kong Island, but update this blog once in a while, eh?
Hope your wife and family had a great Mother’s Day!
May 15th, 2006 at 8:48 am
Nice, thanks.
May 15th, 2006 at 12:33 pm
dude that is insane. it’s like when i go to my aunt’s house in new hampshire… but EVERY NIGHT!
May 16th, 2006 at 10:20 am
Since the weather has turned warmer, we have squased an invasion from ant city, caught(i.e. killed - we have no catch and release policy) one little rodent with an affinity for peanut butter, and purged the house of fleas(got some professional help on that one).
Welcome to the good life!
May 24th, 2006 at 7:35 pm
I love it Brian! At least they haven’t tried to mug me (yet…)
May 31st, 2006 at 7:28 am
[...] Not yet a month since the Battle of Dining Room and we have already seen hints that our insect enemy is planning something. Nothing definitive to present to the UN; but at least I can document my familyā€™s concerns so that we can be remembered. I present the (some may add circumstantial) evidence but you judge for yourself. [...]
May 11th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
[...] over a year since the war started. At this point I’m not quite sure when it started (was it the incursion into my open kitchen, was it the mowing under their Dogwood…who knows) but I do know that the escalation has been [...]