The Gathering Swarm
Posted by Rey
Not yet a month since the Battle of Dining Room and we have already seen hints that our insect enemy is planning something. Nothing definitive to present to the UN; but at least I can document my family’s concerns so that we can be remembered. I present the (some may add circumstantial) evidence but you judge for yourself.
Flies keep getting into our house; by itself, this means nothing. But these flies enter with the seeming sole intent of swooping by my son who is terrified of them (and bees–quiet MCF). At one point I launched myself at one of them with two flyswatters to the tune of my son’s supportive cheer: “Go, Go Daddy! Go Kill Daddy! Die it Daddy”. It is only recently that I started wondering if it was a clever ploy.
I want you to understand my reasoning before you close your browser. I want you to understand that this is the reason I’ve created a new category called The Bugs.
When the Mongolians fought an enemy, they would overwhelm him with savagery. When the enemy was too strong, or in a well fortified city, the Mongolians resorted to other tactics. Firing a flaming arrow at a hut or attacking some merchants and leaving one to tell the tale. The tactic tested the enemy’s resolve more than his defenses. By chipping away at morale and mindsets they increased their chances of victory on the field. They want their enemy to panic
I panicked when I discovered what can only be a Star Trek ceti eel larvae crawling about the garage. I was also surprised that something that is nigh three inches long and moving with way too many legs could be killed by a shoe thrown from a comfortable fifteen foot distance. I was even more surprised when its body disappeared mere hours later.
Birds, also, have been flying into my windows. You country folk would likely drawl on about how the bird sees its own reflection and attacks–that may very well be true. But the blasted things only do it when we’re in the room. Two slammed into my office window, careened off and shot beady glares in my direction. Another one has made it a habit of head-butting my dining room window (the place of the battle) then stares at me as it methodically picks at the glass. As if to say: “this could be your left eye.”
I was then forced to introduce my wife to Alfred Hitchcock’s classic The Birds. She respected the movie (by that I mean that Mr. Hitchcock achieved his goal of making something horrifying) and I was having a good laugh until the Bug. The Bug’s timing made me wonder if the two natural enemies had joined forces. The Bug’s presence made me cry inside.
The Bug proudly marched into the center of our living room letting the TV’s flicker accentuate its leathery black armor. I got a shoe (and a camera) and smashed it, leaving its maw gaping. I said “Wow, what a bug! What is it?” then took pictures of it next to a quarter and really close: dynamic.
I got a piece of paper to get rid of it and when I brought the sheet close its mouth widened. Odd, I thought. That’s not a standard motion for a dead thing to do. I can understand involuntary twitching or even some sort of drawn out screech, but widening its mandible?
Screwing up my courage I brought the paper close to pick it up. The Bug snapped at the paper with an audible click and I echoed its action with a whimper. With increasing horror I raised the Bug to my lens knowing it was very much alive. If that were my finger, if that were my finger, if that were my finger–my mind kept repeating it more as a warning than a mantra.
I took the Bug out to the garage and pressed it with a boot. Still alive. I slammed it with the boot and its wings opened and fluttered (I might’ve screamed at this point) and its mandible laughed. I don’t remember how many times I hit it after its flashy display, but I know it was dead.
They left its body there to remind me. Pictures to remind you below…
Update: As of this morning, I’ve found a firefly (aka: lightning bug), some weird thing on my window screen and a few of the Dark Denizens suspiciously congregating with it.
Update 2: I believe that Janet and I face the same foe. I have yet to see the Bees or Wasps, but I know they’re coming soon…
The first wave bugs (AKA: The Dark Denizens)
The Bird
The Bug
10 Responses to “The Gathering Swarm”
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May 31st, 2006 at 9:30 am
Don’t you get it? Don’t you understand? The birds are the advance fleet for the Insect Armada, like how the bugs in Starship Troopers(and possibly Ender’s Game if I remember correctly) would chuck asteroids at Earth.
It’s only going to get worse….
O_O
June 1st, 2006 at 7:04 pm
Ok, here’s the thing. I know bugs are small and everything, but sometimes I still gotta ask, where do they come from? How do they get in!? It’s creepy…and crawly.
June 1st, 2006 at 9:09 pm
I don’t have a clue. They’re huge. Some of them, I’ve witnessed, pushing their chitinous body through the mesh of the screen but others it’s nigh impossible. They have to have…other entrances…
June 2nd, 2006 at 8:26 am
Pesticides are a temporary fix, and they don’t kill all the bugs. A more permanent solution is to bring in natural predators such as spiders and bats, each of which eat their weight in bugs every day.
It’s important to seal up your house to prevent insect penetration, and also to seal up your food to prevent temptation. Remember, every exit is an entrance to somewhere else.
June 2nd, 2006 at 11:08 am
I’m going to try offering that as a solution to my wife.
“A real flying bat. Do you ever want to sleep in the same bed again?”
June 2nd, 2006 at 1:17 pm
It was a dark, moonlit night. Rey sat in his office, his face illuminated only by the glow of his computer monitor. He scrutinized a message from Curt, and realized the answer to the questions which plagued his very soul.
“Insects are a cowardly and superstitious lot. I need something that will strike fear into their hearts. Of course! A bat! I shall procure a bat!”
The night was calm save for a breeze scraping branches against his window panes. His entomological nemeses shivered, from more than the wind. THAT night, everything had changed…
June 2nd, 2006 at 3:05 pm
ok you’re the first and only person i’m, telling this to (which means definitely not my kids and DEFINITELY not my girlfriend), but last night, taking the garbage down to the basement in my building on 103rd and broadway, the building where i’ve lived now for three and a half years, there scurrying amidst the garbage cans, was a rat.
a monster rat.
one of the biggest i’ve ever seen, anywhere–well over a foot long, it seemed–and it was IN MY BUILDING. not in my home, true, or really even close to my actual living space … but three floors away is still WAAAAAAY too close for comfort.
this sucker was huge. and greasy.
i told the super (who lives down there!) and he’s “looking into it.”
freaking me out.
faith, not fear, i tell myself.
June 3rd, 2006 at 1:33 pm
That is nasty. We used to get 8″ rats in my church in Brooklyn. I would stamp my foot at them to get them to skat and they’d look at me with disdain. Disheartening, true, but to know that such beasts can (and do) grow over a foot (I remember seeing one running off on some errand in the subways) and is so very close to you means its definitely time to openly embrace fear. heh heh.
June 9th, 2006 at 11:26 pm
You just had to trigger my bird phobia, didn’t you. I won’t tell you about “the incident” but let’s just say I will never ever watch The Birds, and I’m a total Hitchcock fan. I feel for you, Rey. It’s all I can do to squash spiders and swat the occasional fly (dd #1 is insect-phobic, won’t even touch a ladybug), though we have battled rats and mice which I’m surprised didn’t give me a panic disorder. I’d never survive the country…or the city, for that matter. I’m forever stuck in the burbs and that’s okay by me, but it’s nice to know I have friends I can visit in the country
June 24th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
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