Oats, How I Hate Thee: Let Me Count the Ways

I hate Oats.

At age thirteen, I already had a proclivity towards hating the stuff. Calvinists, would say I had a total inability to like it on account of my parent’s choice to feed me cream of wheat, every Sunday, without fail. So when I tried Oats back then my hatred was to be expected and warranted.

The second time I tried it, in my early twenties, proved no different. For some reason I figured, looking at the table of white people enjoying heaping spoonfuls, that it was something I would like at that point in my life: I was wrong.
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