- Mowing the lawn in the heat is awful, more so when the humidity feels like you’re walking through a storm but without the benefit of rain.
- Mowing the lawn after several days of rain is obnoxious: not only is the grass ridiculously heavy so that your machine keeps stalling, but your feet get a nasty, hot, wet feeling.
- Neighbors with dogs are great when they keep the dog in their yard, but for some reason my neighbors have decided to walk the dog on my lawn. When I peek at them coming out towards my lawn and I “coincidentally” go outside, they freeze-frame, turn around and walk elsewhere. But when I don’t get a chance to catch them, my mower discovers their unhappy deposits instead.
- I distinctly remember enjoying mowing my own lawn. That was a little more than two years ago, less a child, less the new neighbors with the dog, and in April.
- When I see Adam, I might have to punch him in the gut.
- There is not enough water to recalibrate the dizziness that comes with the first two hours of mowing with a push mower.
- It doesn’t look big, but a third of an acre is a lot to mow. Especially in the heat. While avoiding poop on the lawn.
- I don’t think any of my neighbors enjoy it when I take off my shirt. I’ve wondered if the Dog is retribution for the bare bosom or vice versa.
- In the past I’ve considered a lawn care contract. I refuse to pay for it though in light of identifying with Adam’s stupidity and sheer value of the dollar. In either case, I fear the day when aliens visit our planet and confuse either Dogs, or Our Lawns, for our leaders.
Rant On Lawn
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