I’m not bothering with the spelling errors. This is what I keep getting in my in-box.

this morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US department of energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the national weather service of the national oceanographic and atmospheric administration determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built, and launched by the national aeronautics and space administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of US department of agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the food and drug administration.

At the appropriate time as regulated by the US congress and kept accurate by the national institute of standards and technology and the US naval observatory, I get into my national highway traffic safety administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal departments of transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the environmental protection agency, using legal tender issed by the federal reserve bank. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the US postal service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the department of labor and the occupational safety and health administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to ny house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and fire marshal’s inspection, and which has not been plundered of all it’s valuables thanks to the local police department.

I then log on to the internet which was developed by the defense advanced research projects administration and post on freerepublic.com and fox news forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can’t do anything right.

This is not the first time I’ve seen this and though it doesn’t make any formal arguments, it presents an opinion by conflating definitions and ignoring some pretty basic things. What it’s doing is more like trap setting—it’s letting the reader make the argument and conclusion: since the Government does everything else right, therefore they should employ socialist medicine which they can do that right as well.

First off, that doesn’t follow. I do plenty of things right. I can change the oil on my old car. I can design magazine articles. I can draw. I can use pen and ink. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I can pull your teeth out or perform heart surgery. Hells bells, I might even have medical training—let’s say I’m a nurse. That still doesn’t mean I’m equipped to be your primary care physician much less perform open heart surgery.

Second, there is the definition of socialism. Shorthand, it’s an economic system that looks to public ownership of the individual’s production. So you the farmer grow apples they are not only your apples—they’re everyone’s apples. And everyone (who didn’t grow those apples) owns those apples whether they like it or not since they are part of the public. The fact is that it is not socialism to have a regulated power company. The Government isn’t demanding that the electric company provide power to everyone. The fact that the regulations work against the monopoly (so that you actually have the right to shop around for a power supplier—can’t do that in socialism) doesn’t say anything about the government doing something right. The regulations demand that the power grid is taken care of, that companies announce their prices, that more means of production are found—but they don’t demand that everyone gets electricity.

Indeed, our system is set up so that people can, if they wanted to, live on the power grid or off it, or even install Solar Panels and input more electricity into the system while getting kick backs from the power company. That’s not socialist; that’s honest-to-goodness capitalism at work.

Third, most of these things listed in the article are things Americans don’t have to participate in. You can still be an American and have no electricity, eat your own home grown food, pay for private school, ride a bike, use dirt roads and put your money in a credit union which isn’t federally insured. But, if a socialized medicine is implemented, you can’t be a citizen without being a payer and recipient of said system. It would not be optional—unless you have a job that secures getting insurance from a non-governmental source.

Forth, the article speaks about things the government is doing as if it is doing a good job. That’s heavily debatable. Partially Hydrogenated Soy and Tobacco are a-okay according to the FDA. One gets into all food and the other gets taxed heavily for income. Does that mean we need more regulation, more taxes, or a better equipped society? In a non-socialist society all three can be employed and you still get problems. In a socialized society, only one is employed and the rest gets pushed underground.

Fifth, one of the most egregious errors is that the thing paints this individual as a fool who just doesn’t understand that the government provides some basic protections. Look, people, even if this is some stupid Christian (you know, like me) he knows that the Government has been placed there by God. So even a Government where the leaders like to illuminate their orgies with the crispy bodies of Christians is still a Government placed there by God. There might be a reason for that which we don’t understand, it might be really awful, but it does whatever God wants it to do right. Or as well as is to be expected. And the stupid Christian knows that! I”m sure if the stupid Christian knows it, so would the stupid Right-Winger Fox News watcher who pays taxes! But just because there might be some benefits, doesn’t imply that the benefits are great or as best as they can be: that person has the right (and responsibility) to say “Not good enough!”

Indeed, this is so bad that I’m going to write one—though not as good. I just want to show how stupid it is to think this is any sort of argument and how much it ignores so as to make its points.

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock purchased at Lowes (and not Home Depot). It was powered with rechargeable solar batteries developed by a company which was trying to beat out their competition with some advanced technology. I then took a shower in the clean well water (I remember digging that well) provided by the rain and softened by a water softener I purchased at my Local Mom-and-Pop Hardware store (and not Sears).

After that, I look at the bills on the table and notice that the cable bill has gone up again due to an FCC increase. I decide to check out the ad in the paper regarding the dish network (a competing company in the area).  While reading, I remember that I have to send a package for work. I decide to ignore sending the package via the post office (because it’s important it gets to where it needs to go) so I call up FedEx knowing that they will pick the package at my door and have it at my client’s desk tomorrow at 9 AM.

I step outside to my garden and pick up some tomatoes, onions and lettuce for today’s light salad lunch. I pack a Pepsi (and not a Coke). I happily place it all in my lunch bag, bought at Eddie Bower (and not Wal-Mart). I walk my kids over to the Private School bus-stop, where teachers are all paid much lower that Public School but providing an education that is extraordinarily better. On my way, I pass Public School kids who are in the process of beating each other up.

I then go to my job (driving past the job who hadn’t given me as a good an offer) where I’m paid far beyond the minimum wage because my employer has incentive to keep me as an asset. We discuss our competition for several hours and notice how our earnings this year have dropped but we are developing new technologies to give the public incentive to purchase our product.

During lunch, I go to the Kenmore (not Whirlpool) fridge and find that someone has stolen my lunch and have left me with a mere tomato. I’m upset at the injustice of it. How dare someone take what I worked so hard on! That was my lunch, not theirs!

After work I hop in my Honda (thank God it’s not a Toyota or those awful GM’s!) and drive down a road (that is being sponsored and cleaned by Arcon, Inc.) on my way to the Doctor. I ignore those awful public clinics and instead head on over to the very snazzy private practice further from my house. They have state of the art equipment, their doctors were trained at prestigious private schools, and with my employer’s insurance plan, I have access to plenty of specialists outside of the practice.

When I get home, I drive into my private community with a paid security guard at the gate. I wave at him happy that it’s him and not the other guy that was fired.

I sit down at my computer (a Mac which I like better than my PC or even my Linux computer) made from  parts that were developed by several companies (one of them Intel while my Linux box uses a different processor chip by AMD—they’ve been getting faster every year since they’ve been competing) and log onto the high speed data transmission provided by my Cable Provider. I could’ve chosen a slower tier but I didn’t want to. I see some news on MSNBC about India plowing houses in a neighborhood to lay down fiber optic cabling and thank God that we’ve managed to do that without destroying homes. I then log on to Paypal and make a donation to my local parish (which is comprised of plenty of wealthy Catholics who are the biggest contributors to the poor) and to poor children’s fund created by Microsoft Mogul, Bill Gates.

I then log onto HuffingtonPost to get some news filtered for my enjoyment (and not those nutter Right Wing Corporate Cows) followed by MoveOn.org to sign petitions then on over to the DemocraticUnderground (all hosted on servers and found on unfiltered Google—and Yahoo too—searches) to complain about those damn money grubbing and selfish corporations—how they’re evil, ruining society as we know it. We should be taking money from those rich corporations to give it to the people who refuse to work for it. In fact, Corporations can’t do anything right—we should be taking it all away from them. I wish we were SOCIALISTS since Capitalism is such an EVIL and abject FAILURE!