Rey's A Point

Survival of the Fittest Ex-New Yorkers

Adaptation, say evolutionists, is key to survival. A creature , out of its natural habitat has three choices: completely change an ecosystem (imagine an MCF link to a Simpsons episode here), die or become part of the system. As a city-born, native New Yorker now relocated to the downright rural, I must adapt to my situation or be enveloped by my surroundings. Tonight, this lesson was made very clear.

My wife and I had put the troubles of the day on pause and were enjoying the cool breeze coming though the screen windows of our countryside home while watching TV. The family room–usually the kids’ play room–was now our fortress of solitude. The dishes had yet to be placed in the machine; the dining room had yet to be put in order and we didn’t care. There was a perfect silence in the house; our kids were asleep.

I stepped out of the family room into my office to check on some emails where I spotted a single bug, which I proceeded to kill. I had my share of bug encounters in New York and have learned that there are no natural predators for urban shoes. A heavy rat may dare us, but it flees after a good ground stomp. A roach threatens infestation, but it falls beneath a New Yorkers’ mighty weight (especially if said New Yorker lives on the upper floors of an apartment building which is periodically visited by a professional exterminator).

As I scraped the shattered remains of the insect into the toilet, I made a (vain) attempt at humor about termites. My wife corrected me explaining that, whatever it was, it wasn’t a termite. She went upstairs to start on the dining room; I would soon follow.

My wife’s scream pulled me out of my reverie and turned my blood to ice. I threw myself up the stairs with violent thoughts of injured children. Bursting into the dining room, scanning her body for injuries then settling on her wide eyes, I begged her to tell me what was wrong.

“They’re everywhere.”

Rey

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12 responses to “Survival of the Fittest Ex-New Yorkers”

  1. If it happens again, I hold the business card of an expert, four-foot tall woman who will coerce your invaders to “Go to the light, the light is good, go into the light…” and cleanse your home.

  2. Yes, the episode to which I would refer would be 2F13: Bart Vs. Australia, in which the introduction of a single cane toad into a fountain at an airport results in the total destruction of crops by the end once the toad has breeded and multiplied. Interestingly enough, this ecosystem disruption referenced an ACTUAL problem and was true. The show’s only conceit was to have Bart be the cause of it.

  3. As long as she doesn’t throw tennis balls into my closet that mysteriously fall down into a tub in another room, I’m cool with that.

  5. This is a well written post about bugs. For the record, I’m afraid of them, rural, urban or otherwise.:)

  6. I know you’re remodeling a house and battling the giant insects from King Kong Island, but update this blog once in a while, eh? :) Hope your wife and family had a great Mother’s Day!

  9. Since the weather has turned warmer, we have squased an invasion from ant city, caught(i.e. killed – we have no catch and release policy) one little rodent with an affinity for peanut butter, and purged the house of fleas(got some professional help on that one).

    Welcome to the good life!

  11. […] Not yet a month since the Battle of Dining Room and we have already seen hints that our insect enemy is planning something. Nothing definitive to present to the UN; but at least I can document my family’s concerns so that we can be remembered. I present the (some may add circumstantial) evidence but you judge for yourself. […]