Rey's A Point

Rant On Lawn

  1. Mowing the lawn in the heat is awful, more so when the humidity feels like you’re walking through a storm but without the benefit of rain.
  2. Mowing the lawn after several days of rain is obnoxious: not only is the grass ridiculously heavy so that your machine keeps stalling, but your feet get a nasty, hot, wet feeling.
  3. Neighbors with dogs are great when they keep the dog in their yard, but for some reason my neighbors have decided to walk the dog on my lawn. When I peek at them coming out towards my lawn and I “coincidentally” go outside, they freeze-frame, turn around and walk elsewhere. But when I don’t get a chance to catch them, my mower discovers their unhappy deposits instead.
  4. I distinctly remember enjoying mowing my own lawn. That was a little more than two years ago, less a child, less the new neighbors with the dog, and in April.
  5. When I see Adam, I might have to punch him in the gut.
  6. There is not enough water to recalibrate the dizziness that comes with the first two hours of mowing with a push mower.
  7. It doesn’t look big, but a third of an acre is a lot to mow. Especially in the heat. While avoiding poop on the lawn.
  8. I don’t think any of my neighbors enjoy it when I take off my shirt. I’ve wondered if the Dog is retribution for the bare bosom or vice versa.
  9. In the past I’ve considered a lawn care contract. I refuse to pay for it though in light of identifying with Adam’s stupidity and sheer value of the dollar. In either case, I fear the day when aliens visit our planet and confuse either Dogs, or Our Lawns, for our leaders.

Rey

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9 responses to “Rant On Lawn”

  3. Just a few minutes ago I decided to go check the mail. On my lawn I found a cleaned off dinner plate and a fork.

    I think someone is trying to teach me a lesson about the total digestive process.

  4. That fork is going to be so upset when the dish runs away with the spoon…

    What is it with neighbor’s dogs? We have the same problem, especially on the patch of grass between the sidewalk and the street, but sometimes they must run up on to our lawn or in to our pachysandra. I’ve seen a few that looked horrifyingly manmade. It’s tough with all this rain, cos as vigilant as I am to keep an eye out, the grass grows so tall so fast. Went over one with the wheel of a lawnmower a few weeks ago, and thus far have avoided going over any with the blades, though that’s inevitable. You can’t even blame the dogs; it’s people that are thoughtless and disgusting.

  5. Oh, and I can’t fathom pushing a lawnmower for TWO HOURS. Our yard takes about a half hour, and would go quicker with no hills or curved borders. Our lot can take up to 45 minutes if we let it go for a few weeks and I have to keep backing up and going over the same spots to avoid jams and stalls. It sounds to me like a third of an acre is ride-on mower territory…

  6. And dude…that’s the FIRST two hours. I usually stop to drink and then go back out to finish over the next hour and a half!