{"id":79,"date":"2006-07-03T06:59:57","date_gmt":"2006-07-03T11:59:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rreynoso.com\/blog\/archives\/79"},"modified":"2006-07-05T20:25:35","modified_gmt":"2006-07-06T01:25:35","slug":"scare-tactics","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/rreynoso.com\/reysapoint\/home\/scare-tactics\/","title":{"rendered":"Scare Tactics"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s strange that I love scaring people. See, I was often afraid being exposed to Jaws (still afraid of the Ocean), Devil Dog<\/a> (okay, it stank but that was a long time and it was a hell hound!), and the Exorcist (despite the effects, sleep went on vacation for 14 solid days and I still can\u2019t watch the movie). I\u2019ve also found it strange that sometimes, when the Question was put before me (Scare or Not To Scare), that I have scorned familial relationships for the sake of elaborate set-up hours to get the Perfect Scare.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Now, they\u2019re not cruel scares like fake choking: that\u2019s stupid and likely to backfire. My forte was in the over-the-top ridiculous scare. Like taking my brother\u2019s favorite teddy bear, crouching behind it, controlling its motions\u2014step by ominous step\u2014up a dimly lit staircase to the floor where my brother was exiting a lonely bathroom.<\/p>\n

So recently, my wife was in the bathroom with Sy and Elayna, getting their teeth brushed before putting them down to bed. I walked by to do some Good Night Songs but found that\u2014be it the noises of the electric tooth brush or my daughter\u2019s giggles\u2014no one noticed me.<\/p>\n

The Question was before me but my body was in motion long before my mind was decided. I slithered down the hardwood and into my son\u2019s room, peeked over my shoulder, then slid under his extremely low bed. It was tight\u2014really tight\u2014and I started thinking why a thirty two year old man would contort his body thinking he was still thirteen. I tried to shrug it off as I pulled my son\u2019s bed-cover further down so as to prevent premature exposure.<\/p>\n

Even without the Question being fully answered The Plan was already forming. Wait under the bed for the good nights and the closing door. Hear my son turn around to go to sleep. Begin scratching underneath the bed. Increase volume until Son thinks that there was a Monster (or similar) under bed. Reveal myself with a big growl.<\/p>\n

To stave off the rants\u2014realize that my son and I have a history of nigh five years of scares. Peek-A-Boo didn\u2019t faze him; he wanted me to do an all out predator roar. I would throw back my head and unleash an ungodly howl so that his 9 month old frame could come running toward me with fits of laughter\u2014despite the horrified glares of my family. Yes, my son is odd but then again I\u2019ve always thought he might be prescient and occasionally call him Muad\u2019Dib<\/a>.<\/p>\n

And under that bed I felt miserable. The muscles in my back were taut. A box behind me was digging into my ribs. Dust was getting into my nose. Guilt pulled at me\u2014what am I doing? What if he flips out? What if he doesn\u2019t react like how he\u2019s reacted for the last five years?<\/em><\/p>\n

The Question was still nagging me, but I was in too deep (literally). My wife, son and daughter came into the room; their songs completed their prayers offered. For some reason, my mind mumbled \u201cah, well the gig is up\u2014they saw you, old fool\u201d so I dragged my body out from under the bed, like Samara Morgan exiting a static-ridden TV screen. I figured that I might as well make a good show even if I was already caught.<\/p>\n

But I wasn\u2019t caught. No one saw me. Indeed, my wife would later tell me that the sheets began to rustle and then out came Some Thing.<\/p>\n

Presently, my wife \u201cwooped\u201d. Not a happy woop, mind you. It was those low woops that is not quite a yelp but is considering its options. As my dark arm reached out of the sheet she let out a shriller woop which weighed hysteria as a viable expression. My son, for the first time, looked a bit concerned. His eyes widened and his hand shot out the way you would put one defensive member forward when some weird critter is threatening you. My daughter was nonplussed\u2014more by my wife\u2019s strange barks than anything crawling out from under the bed.<\/p>\n

At this point my son started laughing \u201cYou got me Daddy. You got me good!\u201d leaving me fairly impressed. The boy\u2019s uncle (my brother) had (at one point) jumped back against a wall and clenched his heart when hearing \u201cDaaaaadddyyy\u201d from his favorite teddy bear Johnny\u2014but my son laughed it off.<\/p>\n

My wife\u2019s reaction had me in giggle fits for the next few hours. Now I have another Question: scare her more often or have a happy marriage\u2026?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s strange that I love scaring people. See, I was often afraid being exposed to Jaws (still afraid of the Ocean), Devil Dog (okay, it stank but that was a long time and it was a hell hound!), and the Exorcist (despite the effects, sleep went on vacation for 14 solid days and I still […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-79","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-home","category-kids"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/rreynoso.com\/reysapoint\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/79","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/rreynoso.com\/reysapoint\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/rreynoso.com\/reysapoint\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rreynoso.com\/reysapoint\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rreynoso.com\/reysapoint\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=79"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/rreynoso.com\/reysapoint\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/79\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/rreynoso.com\/reysapoint\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=79"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rreynoso.com\/reysapoint\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=79"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rreynoso.com\/reysapoint\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=79"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}