‘Twas The Night Before Christmas According to Edgar Allen Poe

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The rhythm is often off since I haven’t sat down with it as much as I would like. It’s not even finished, really, and I wouldn’t be surprised if thousands of people have already undertaken to do the same. After all, Edgar Allen Poe was a genius and Clement Clarke Moore’s poem lies close to the modern practices. Ah well, at least it’s good for a laugh: “T’was  The Night Before Christmas to The Tune of The Raven”.

T’was the night before Christmas Evening, as children slept (all weak and weary)
and naught a mouse was appearing, throughout my silent house,
that past my stockings hanging, there suddenly came a banging
As if someone quickly landing upon my lawn outdoors
‘Tis some visitor,” I muttered “this is all…
…nothing more.”

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in cold December where each family member
Lay down upon his (or her) precious bed.
My dearie’s kerchief flapping, and my head all night-capping,
And sugar-plums all a-clapping within our sleepy heads.
But that infernal clatter forced me to check the matter
as I jumped up out of my bed,
thus to the window I was led.

Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering fearing
And then, suddenly, hearing a hefty voice appealing eight fearsome reindeer all by name!
“Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen!”
Shouted out and then revealing a sleigh that they bore
And a little Old Driver dressed in days of yore.

Furred from head to foot, under layers of chimney soot, there he rode he with all the presents that he bore.
Chubby, plump, sweet and cheery, eyes a-twinkling, dimples merry, rosèd cheeks and nose-like cherry fast he entered in my chamber door.
Not the least obeisance made he, nor a chuckle gave he, as he walked right past me
“No! It can’t be!” I gasped “Old St. Nick?”
Thus he answered: “Ho Ho Ho.”

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Belated Response to the Declaration of Independence

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Dearest Representatives of the united States of America;

We have received your letter declaring your absolving of all allegiance to the British Crown and we have a few belated issues.

We noticed that your claims consistently made claims to a Supreme Judge, which, by common consent, we can’t deny or support that he-it-or-she exists.

Indeed, you call this Supreme Judge the Creator and the God of Nature when we both agree that random natural processes over an infinite time is the proper teaching of what works behind nature. We must not call nature a “creation”. Calling it Creation assumes a creator, which we can not support or deny as existing.

Be that as it may, like you we agree that there should be a separation of Church and State. Since your decision is so fraught with religious considerations, it has no rational or scientific basis. Your position has no proper justification. And since a ruling can only stand if your proper (British) governor agrees, then your collective decision is simply overturned by default.

It is also obvious that your claims to ephemeral absolutes—like what is wholesome and necessary for the public good, or of self-evident truths, or even unalienable rights—are merely the marks of an oppressive fiction geared towards controlling others in your obvious effort in non-tolerance. We stand for freedom for all and that includes freedom from your specifically religious and biggoted claims.

So we must solemnly decline your request for independence. Ask your own judges and intelligentsia. They would agree with us.

Over You, Truly,

The British Crown.

July 4th, 2013

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