I have a problem. An addiction, even. It started off slow, tentatively with slight trepidation, and then it became a habit. It was so easy to get into and since everybody is doing it, it just felt right. I’m an emoticon addict and I’m trying to quit.

It was during the AOL days — or maybe IRC — that I started implementing real dedication with my punctuation abuse. Sure, I’ve always been pretty fuzzy on my usage of a comma, an apostrophe, hyphens or semi-colons; in the end, that fuzziness is merely an excuse justifying the abuse.

No longer did I have to structure sentences, or insert pauses, or even establish rhythm. Exclamation marks became a thing of the past! I had free reign in being nasty by merely putting my enemies hot-words in “quotes” and then smooth things over with a virtual hand-on-the-shoulder. All I had to do was say what I wanted to say with whichever words I wanted to use and ignoring any sort of punctuation in between while allowing my sentences to ramble on and then finally and breathlessly end the thing with a self-deprecating and highly appreciated emoticon smiley ; )

Every single thing I said before the emoticon changed, as if by magic, into something fabulously funny or horrendously sad. : ( Crushed by the very weight of my punctuation-less words and, in a very ho-hum sort of way, musing about it isn’t enough: the emoticon explains it all. Poor me.  :-\

So, I’ve admitted my problem; I don’t think there’s any easy way to get over it. Virtual communication has relegated all of those buttons on the right hand of the  keyboard (those brackets and slashes and smiley-eyes) to the archaic world of hieroglyphics—what will typographers do.

I’m hoping to stave my use of the emoticon with punctuation marks. Maybe if the things were replaced with graphics, like actual smiley icons, it wouldn’t be that bad; but as it is, I don’t have much of a choice. I’ll have to use more words and maybe, hopefully, people will get that my tongue is firmly planted in my cheek without me having to prove it with emoticons. :-P