There are people who will write a point by point review of Superman Returns while linking to actor names and obscure references (coff: Mcf). I just want to document the thoughts and feelings I had before, during and after watching the movie. This post does contain spoilers.

• 9:50 PM “I can’t believe X-Men isn’t playing anymore. I hate this state. Ugh, the original Superman was so cheesy—this movie is gonna’ stink.” Mood: apathy
• 10:00 PM “It is nice to pay under 9 bucks for a movie. Especially one that’s gonna stink.” Mood: Casual Disregard.
• 10:05 PM “Why do they keep talking about Digital Movies instead of showing the Vice Trailer?” Mood: Annoyed.
• 10:11 PM “Jack Sparrow—that movie is a must-see.” Mood: Excitement.
• 10:12 PM “These trailers definitely have a kiddish feel to them—not a good sign” Mood: Cautious.
• 10:15 PM “Oh, God—the original credits. This is going to be horrid.” Mood: Disgust
• 10:16 PM “Why am I feeling like that? The graphics seem to be getting better and the score is similar to the original but with some new flare. It’s almost like when I first saw Superman 2…” Mood: Bordering Excitement. Nostalgic.

End Time Tracking, Enter Fuzzy Order

• “Ah, so no reference to Superman 3 or 4—thank God.” Mood: Joy.
• “Oh please tell me they’re not retelling the origin story—wait? Mrs. Kent is way too old…and alone… This is…different.” Mood: Mild interest
• “So he either managed to get his lil’ spaceship up and working again or Batman lent him a hand…? I doubt they’ll explain that.” Mood: Cynical.
• “Goodness, Superman feeling lonely is going to be an annoying theme in the movie if they’re throwing it in so chunky here. But, I do like how that speaks volumes about his relationship with Bats—I wonder if there will ever be a sweet Miller Batman movie with a ‘bad’ Supes.” Mood—Pity followed by Introspection.
• “Man, the way they keep hitting us over the head with this father – son junk I expect 2 things to happen: Lois to have Supes’ kid and him to be crucified and rise again. Cheese.” Mood: Mild Annoyance.
• “Luther’s elaborate plan to get a house consisted of scamming a little old lady? Ugh, there’s no way that Spacey took this role to play the Hackman Luthor.” Mood: Disgust.
• “Nice. He went back to the fortress and he remembers everything! This Luthor has potential.” Mood: Rockin’ Out.
• “Ugh! He’s got a bimbette! My money on her pulling the same junk as the chick in the first movie.” Mood: Disgust.
• “Prometheus a god? I could’ve sworn he was a man or a Titan. Well, I guess since he created men he might be perceived as a god. Ironic though, since Prometheus thought little of the gods—how Luthor thinks little of Superman…” Mood: Introspective.
• “And there’s Lois’ kid. He is so Clarks’. The dude is definitely going to get crucified.” Mood: Pity.
• “Heh…his hand fell in the water. There’s potential for a sequel. Take that guy, have some of the crystal junk fuse with the minerals in his body, kill him (so he can go into a gestation stasis) and you have a nice recipe for Doomsday.” Mood: Interest
• “Sweet, he stepped back. Cowardly enough to give Hackman Luthor a nod but smart enough to show that he’s thinking at least one step ahead. Or five back, rather.” Mood: Jabba-ish
• “Awesome—the wing came apart! I love it when Physics affects Superman’s abilities. Physics. Heh heh.” Mood: Jabba-ish (That’s that opulent chuckle that Jabba the Hutt does whenever he says something nasty.)
• “Man, too bad I saw this scene on SpikeTV. Still cool though.” Mood: Bittersweet
• “They did a good job making him muscular in costume and darkish as Clark.” Mood: Complimentary.
• “Heh heh—he really cut the brake lines. Awesome.” Mood: Pride followed by Surprise and the thought “Why Pride?”
• “And there’s the Kryptonite shard that will pierce Superman. Only one shard—not enough for a crucifixion—they’ll pierce his side.” Mood: Sigh.
• “Superman’s a perv. Heh heh.” Mood: Jabbaish.
• “They’ll never hook up. That husband is way too nice. But that’s definitely his kid—despite the Asthma. Heck, Clark wore glasses once. Good thing they didn’t kiss though.” Mood: Respectful followed by Interest and “Since he’s a half-breed I wonder if he’ll have all of Clark’s powers and weaknesses. I mean, the Yellow sun thing is genetic so the kid might have some of that—but would Kryptonite kill him? I mean, Kal-El would get nailed by the thing but the stuff really doesn’t affect humans. There’s potential there for like a future sequel—hopefully darker. Like Superman Beyond.”
• “A Land mass? He’s after real estate? Again? Yeesh, they have all the makings of a great villain and they keep going back to that junk.” Mood: Pity mingled with Creative Sorrow.
• “And this is the point where he’ll lose his asthma and do something super.” Mood: Dissatisfied followed by “And there goes the asthma pump.” Followed by “He apologizing for killing the guy, using his powers or not being able to summon his powers to open the door? Meh—don’t think it matters. I doubt they’ll use the kid for anything ridiculously major—like flying or fighting anyone. This purely establishes the connection while setting up his adopted father as a legitimate Superman in his own right.”
• “Awesome, this is the first time they’ve ever shown how much Superman can do at once, using both priorities and logic. Excellent.” Mood: Excitement
• “Aw, Come on! Atlas, Prometheus’ brother, with the world on his shoulder!?!?” Mood: Discontent.
• “Wow, I love that Superman is completely respecting this man’s heroism and strength. ‘Do you got them?’—wow. And I love how it calls back to the first movie without being scared, but confident in his strength to hold his family. Awesome—but, dude duh! ‘Lois, isn’t it weird that like we had our baby like 5 months early?’—unless that is she just ran off with this guy the minute Supe’s left.” Mood: Joy mixed with Respect and followed by Snide.
• “Nice, Luther is doing some great bad guy stuff here.” Mood: Pride (what the heck!??!) “And here comes the shard—piercing his side. How unexpected.” Mood: Pity “Oh come on, Luthor’s mocking him by doing a Christ pose! At what point will they start reading Isaiah 53!” Mood: Discontent.
• “And now, there he goes…the Son is rising again. Should I sing Up From the Grave He Arose? Nah, these 6 people will attack me.” Mood: Discontent but Respect because “it does look pretty cool.”
• “Oh come on, he’s lifting the New Jerusalem up into the clouds and there’s shards growing out by his hands?! No way they’ll stigmata him—if they do that’s way too over the top with the references.” Mood: Disgusted Annoyance.
• “I don’t know if there were marks or not. Went too quick, but he is posed in a Dali-esque Crucifixion pose.
• “Longest denouement since Lord of the Rings.” Mood: Jabbaish.
• “Good, they didn’t hook up. But at least we have a future Superboy. What is the deal with this repeated Father Son business? Okay, Clark…you’re not alone. Get over it.” Mood: Mildly Happy.
• “The lights aren’t coming back on. Is something else going to happen..?”
• “The fools all left and the lights STILL aren’t on. Man, I hope that something really does happen and it’s not just that these country folk are too nice for their own good.”
• “Nothing happened. Ugh.” Followed by “I can’t believe they turned on the light the second I was out the doors—they were waiting for me!”
• “Wow, it’s 12:53 AM. I’m gonna’ be tired tomorrow…”

Overall impression: Decent movie, but not impressive. The Matrix did more stuff with Superman than this Superman movie did. Deeply regretted missing X-Men.